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Turkey Day 2015

Dear Journal,

Turkey Day is almost here, and the ole Tom Turkey I got pent up in the back lot is getting big round the middle. He’ll look real good cooked up on our table this year.

He don’t know about his fate. And I ain’t  gonna tell him neither. He’s out there now just strutting around. He doesn’t know I picture dinner when I’m  watchin him!

All the family will be getting in here pretty soon too. There’s Uncle Bubba from Pickled Creek, Aunt Gertrude from Hickory Switch, Granny’s sister Franny and all her bunch, God love them. We are all gonna be in one house together!

I just hope what happened last year don’t happen this year! Oh, I guess you haven’t heard about that. Uncle Bubba spiked the punch bowel. And Granny got to feeling no pain! Nobody had seen her for a while, next thing we know, she’s on the roof  wearing nothing but her long john bloomers and singing Auld Lang Syne to the top of her lungs.

Poor thing, she’s so excited though she’s already got out the big cooking book and is preparing our meal.

Oh no, I just heard something on the roof…gotta Run….

 

The Leadbottoms wish you and your’n a very Happy Thanksgiving

clean through the good word

Dear Journal,

Shhh… It’s real quite here at the Leadbottom house right now. So I can commence to telling you about how Grandma got choir duty for a month, as I promised.

See, we always sit about midway the pews on account we don’t want folks thinking we’re better than them. And we don’t want them thinking we backslid either! So Grandpa says: we’re just fair in the middle with the good man above.

Anyways, we were in Sunday meetin about a month ago now, and Grandpa went to sleep during the sermon. About that time, old Reverend Sherman walked back about to our pew. Granny grabbed the first thing she could find, which just happened to be the Reverend’s bible and whopped Grandpa a goodin

Poor thing didn’t know that Grandpa had his WWII army issue helmet on under his Sunday Meetin Hat. When she hit his head it cut clean through all 66 books of the good word. And Granny caught the “choir eye” from The Reverend.

It’ll work out good, long as Granny holds her tongue. But knowin Granny they’ll be more to tell next time.

Until Then….

The Rain of War

Dear Journal,

It’s a raining like cats & dogs here on the creek. Grandma has set out all the Wash tubs to catch the rain water. She says it really helps her pickles come caning time. But Grandpa is another story all together.

He’s gone back to his glory days in WW II. He’s built himself a wall out of cement block in the front yard and every time he hears the slightest noise he yells to the top of his lungs, take cover boys, that aren’t popcorn. Then he yells, charge this one’s for Old Glory!

He’s out there now, holding up a flag made from a pair of his old boxer shorts with the American flag printed on them and a broom stick for the pole. If Grandma catches him with the handle from her good broom she’ll give him Glory alright, right upside his head!

Jenny Harris still ain’t over her likein she took to me last month. Grandma took and invited that girl to dinner! When I ask her why she done it, she said it was the Christian way. I guess she’s right. Sides, if I commence to arguing with Grandma she’ll take straight to my backside good!

Her and the good Reverend are in good with one another right now, after she had to promise to lead the choir in Sunday Morning hymns for a month, after the preacher hit Grandpa over the head with his Bible for sleeping during the sermon.

More about that next time Grandma’s coming and if she even catches me thinking crossways about that, she’ll give me what for even at my age.

 

Valentines Day on the creek

 

Dear Journal,

Love is in the air here on Poe Kat. All the unmarried women are a running around like they’re  gonna meet the creator of Nascar or something. Valentine’s Day gets the women folk all in a fuss.

Juliet Coalson gave her husband a new set of store-bought teeth for Valentine ’s Day.   The kicker was, them teeth was hers!!! she said she figured if she got the teeth, it might put some spark in the marriage and poor Harvey would forget he don’t have no teeth himself. Different strokes for different folks is what Mama said.

Fred Simpson give his wife a subscription to The Skoal-Of-The-Month club. Said he figured it would keep her out of his hair long enough for him to make the last few payments on the new bass boat he secretly bought last month!

Jenny Harris across the street has taken a liken to me. She’s pretty and all, but when she smiles it looks like a drunk has tried to build a Split-Rail fence in her mouth! And an ole mule kicked her, now on a year ago, and her left eye bonces round in her head when she shakes it.

She’s 79 years old. At our age I guess attraction is more about wisdom than looks. But I figure when ya get kicked by a mule, it likely takes a lot of the wisdom right out of ya head. She says when she sees me the stars just align! I wish the good Lord would tell that to her teeth!