Down on Pokat

The Christmas of Pa’s Dreams

Dear Journal,

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve wrote ya anything. But there’s been a lot going on on the creek this year. And I just couldn’t find the time to pen down nothin. But now it’s neigh about Christmas again. Another year is almost over, and our house is a buzzin with excitement.

This past year Granny managed to get Jenny Harris , you remember her, the one that was a sparkin after me. And no, I thank the good Lord above, they weren’t no hitchin to me!! Naw, she Married the preacher’s daddy and Grandpa was a tellin me yesterday at the breakfast table that they is off to the mission field in the wilds of Udonia. I imagine, it’s a far piece off from here.

Now that that’s all told, we’re all gettin into the Christmas spirit again. Grandpa’s wearin his Kiss me under the mistletoe underwear. And Granny and Mamma been busy baking up a new recipe for Christmas Fruitcake. Granny says the next batch will have a secret kick. I think I know what her secret kick is. I think it’s a little of last year’s punch that’s been gettin ripe in the basement.

I tell you, this year Pa has sure got into the spirit. By Halloween he already had all the bulls noses painted up red. And lights on the outhouse. Them lights on the outhouse scared poor Grandpa on Halloween night. He was doing his necessary when Pa told me to plug in the lights. when them suckers lit, I tell you, old Grandpa tore outta there like the hound dog run away with the last piece of watermelon. He was a screaming to the top of his voice, don’t let em suck out my brain! He thought he done been abducted by them aliens, the kind that draws them circle pictures in corn fields.

Granny said them Christmas lights worked him over better than whippersnappers extra strength prune juice ever did Ha Ha!! but back to pa, he watched that National Lampoon’s Christmas Program on the rabbit ears this year. Now he says we Leadbottom’s is gonna have one dandy Christmas this year. So far Grandpa in the outhouse has made my Christmas pretty ding dang dandy already!!! He tore outta there I’m a telling ya with his britches hanging down around his knees. And his Have a nice day smiley-face underwear a shinin for the world to see!!!

But the birthday of our Lord is almost here in just a few days. we’ve got lots of hard candy, home-made fudge and fruit everywhere. Oh no, Grandpa’s gone out to make use of the outhouse again and I see Pa sneaking out the back door wearing a grin. I can’t miss this!

Have a Good Christmas and may the good Lord Bless ya!!

Thanksgiving Again

 

Dear Journal,

It’s Hard to believe it’s already November on the creek again. It’s been oddly warm. Weather Man on the Radio says it’s something called Indian summer. So Grandma and Ma made me and Pa set up a T.P. in the front yard to make our native friends feel more at home. I tried to tell them Indians don’t live in T.Ps no more. But once they get something in their head there’s no stopping them till it finds its way out.

Grandpa says we’d better be getting out the long-Johns cause he said he remembered in 35 when Sam Sneed from up on Tater Patch Hill saw on one of them National Geographic specials, after he got his set of rabbit ears, and he saw where that you can do a snow dance and it will cause it to snow. Grandpa said Sam and the Good Lord must be on real good terms. Cause he said it snowed for forty days and forty nights. Grandma said he was a mixin up his Bible Stories. But Grandpa says confound it women, we aint on Noah’s ark. Sides, it was way too cold to rain!

Ma and Grandma will soon be cooking up our traditional fest. With one thing different this year, the turkey! Walt Peters down at the General Store done got him in a load of frozen turkey this year. And since being no one round the old homestead has cooked up one of them before We are gonna try it. No soul can stand in the way of progress I guess.

So being as there aren’t gonna be any hunting this year what’s a body to do? Guess I’ll settle in and relax and as they say in the outhouse magazines, I’ll take in the sights and smells of the season.

Just heard another weather bulletin, Says Damp & Cold. I sure hope Sam won’t be a Snow Dancin this year.

See y’all and hope you have a hog-eyed Thanksgiving!

A Camping We will Go

Dear Journal,

The start of the summer camping season is upon us a fair piece. And I’ll tell ya I been itching to get out in God’s green country. Thought I’d share with ya’ll my pride a joy, my home away from home.

 

Now I reckon some folks calls it a camper or a motorhome. We just call it putting the cabin on the old truck.

Harvey Spencer offered us 800.00 for our lot of land the other day cause with the cabin gone he thought we was a movin. I just told him naw, we was going on a little get away. I did do some mighty fine work on her though, if I do say so myself. I added the back porch this year and even mama’s wash tub. She says it’s too cramped for a body to do all the warshin inside. This way, she can enjoy the fresh air.

Grandpa says he’s  going bar huntin this time. He fancies himself quite the sportsman, since he shot that bar in the back yard last year. None of us had the heart to tell him it was Gladys Short’s big black dog! Poor Gladys still walks around the yard every evening hollerin here Blackie.

Grandma says the only bar grandpa ever hunted for was Elmer’s Wet your Whistle Pub. Grandpa says he’ll show her when she’s wearing that things skin round her big bosoms. Them was the last words he said that night though. Granny knocked him out colder than a well diggers hind parts ha ha!!!

 

Reckon that’s enough Jawing for now. See ya on the open road!!!

The Possum Fest

Dear Journal,

 

We’re  back from the Possum Festival. And as I promised, I’ll tell ya all about what a time we had. First off, we fired up the old mobile home and way we went just a getting it down the road. Then we started a smelling a strange smell. Somebody hollered pocat stew, on a count they thought we’d hit a pocat. But as it turned out Grandpa had just forgot he’d took off his socks!

So after that we had a pretty uneventful ride. Cousin Pauline was also there. I hadn’t seen her in near on five years. She’s 17 now and unmarried so Grandma spent the rest of the festival trying to set her up with every available feller around.

Needless to say, she never found one. On our way back home Granny just kept on a talking about how if that girl didn’t get her head on straight she was a gonna be spinster the rest of her life!

I took the prize for the Possum Pie Eating Contest. I eat 37 pies in 5 minutes. For a man my age, I’d say that was pretty good. Ole fat Francis Jubile gave me a run though. He actually eat 39 pies. But the last two didn’t count. Given the fact, that Betsy Manner had put some rum in the ones she made. Made ole Francis so drunk, he fell off the stool. And well, as for the pies we won’t say what happened to them. Just that they had them a short visit to his stomach!

Pa took 2nd place in the Greased Pig Roping. I wouldn’t tell him, but I think he wallowed in more mud than the pig. And Ma got a blue ribbon for her pickled Possum Jam. We have lots left. Ma says if it keeps till December it’ll make some nice Christmas Presents for the family and closest friends.

All in all I say we had ourselves a real good time. And we’re already talking about next year.

 

 

A New Year New Excitement

Dear Journal,

A new Year has started here on the old homestead. All the cousins, In-Laws, Aunts, Uncles, and yep even a few Out-Laws have all parted ways and gone home. Things sure is quite round here.

Everything is gettin back to normal. We took the red paint off the old Bulldog’s nose. And we put all the light bulbs back in all the sockets. We stored all of Granny’s homemade Christmas punch in mason jars. It’ll taste better next year after it has a chance to ferment hehehe…

No body round here hates to see Christmas go more than old Butch Braxton. That poor man has been struck by lightning 76 times and lives to tell the tale. He stutters a little fair bit though, so takes him some time to tell it.

Every year we string some popcorn round Butch and put a light bulb in his mouth and ears and use him for the community Christmas tree. The kids get a real kick outa seein how fast they can pull the icicles off his nose. It’s a sight!!

But New Year’s Eve brought some excitement! Granny drunk  too much punch, and when she danced her annual Cancan number down at the VA retirement home she came back with a tattoo of a anchor on her right shoulder. And a bunch of phone numbers wrote on a roll of toilet paper.

Granny’s hollerin for me to come dial another number…Poor Thang.

See ya’ll later Happy New Year to ya

Christmas Exposure

Dear Journal,

 

It’s Christmas time again on the creek. Sure has been an odd one though, First, it’s been unseasonably warm. Been making a lot of the folks round here sick. Cause one day it’s very warm, next, it’s colder than a well diggers backend! Folks has been wearing their summer clothes.

 

Yesterday I saw old Mrs. Carolson out in the yard wearing nothing but her bathing suit! Good Lord knows that’s enough to turn a body every which way but Christmas! She had more stuff a hanging than a well decorated Christmas tree! No kidding.

 

Grandma is in the kitchen again with the big recipe book. And she’s making her famous Christmas punch. We got 16 jars of that stuff fermenting…uh…aging well in the cellar. Granny says a body can never have too much! Through the year, she uses that stuff for everything from making a sick baby well to gassing up the truck when money’s tight.

 

Me and Pa hung the Christmas lights. And I must say, they do look pretty good! except for one little mistake all went well. This year we put Grandpa in charge of making a welcome sign for Santa. Later that night, after dark, we took the family out to look at the lights. While we was a lookin we noticed something movin round the chimney. Pa thought it was Santy Claus come early. So he went and got in bed so as to make sure he got his presents. But it weren’t Santy. It was Grandpa! And Lo the words that was a comin out of his mouth!! Come to find out he’d sliped off the roof and got caught by his underwear! Bless his soul. He’d been up there all evening suspended by his unmentionables. Now he says thanks to the exposure he suffered he’ll probably be sick in bed on Christmas. But I don’t think so, Granny will give some of her potent punch and he’ll big right as rain.

Many Happy Christmas Greetings to ya from the Leadbottoms and May the Good Lord bless ya this New Year!!

Mud Bath for Mamma

Dear Journal,

It’s hard to believe that it’s almost Mother’s Day. And I’m again left to ponder on what to get for Ma. I thought on repapering the Out House but we ain’t got enough Sears catalogs to do that with, just yet. I think they must’ve started to using a new kind of ink in them catalogs. On count of now when you go to use them for your necessary business, leaves kind of a rash on your hind quarters!

So we’ve stopped using them for that, and switched to the local news instead. So I guess the papering will have to wait.

Ole Bud Finch has got some piglets outa his prize sow, Molly. She took the blue ribbon at The County Fair for fattest. Ole Albert Potter told Grandpa if he’d known you could’ve got a Ribbon for that he’d have entered his wife!

Don’t know Momma’s a getting kind of old now. I might make her one of them there wigs. Hear tell though, all the womenfolk in the big cities like to go to what they call a spa and take one of them mud baths.

Guess a feller could dig a hole in the backyard fill it with some water and give Ma a spa mud bath. I think she might like herself one of them. Yes sir, I sure do thank you folks for helping to come up with That one!

I’ll be sure and tell her now of the part you all played in her a getting her Mother’s Day present. Well gotta go…

Pa, hook up the hose. We got ourselves a mud bath to build!!

Christmas

 

Dear Journal Merry Christmas to ya,

It’s starting to look a whole lot like Christmas here on the creek. As I told ya last time, we sure did enjoy that ole turkey! I took the old lot down yesterday, it just looks so lonesome out there with nothing in it.

We painted all the bulls round these parts noses red the other day. That helps get everybody round here in the Christmas spirit! We tried to decorate the outhouse with some Christmas Lights. But that never turned out to good, we didn’t know it was occupied!! Poor ole grandpa didn’t know what was  going on. I feel bad for him now. See, the reason he was in there, he was a trying to paint grandma’s new set of store bought teeth to match the gaps in the teeth she’s missing now.

Said he didn’t want folks round here not knowing who she was. Folks round here get pretty tore up when they see somebody they don’t know on the creek, starts a body to thinking it’s them revenuers or the tax man. We don’t take kindly to them types!

But it’s the good Lord’s Birthday so we are supposed to remember him. And have a good Christmas with all the creatures, even revenuers and tax men!

Have you a good Christmas Happy New year too from the Leadbottoms!!

Turkey Day 2015

Dear Journal,

Turkey Day is almost here, and the ole Tom Turkey I got pent up in the back lot is getting big round the middle. He’ll look real good cooked up on our table this year.

He don’t know about his fate. And I ain’t  gonna tell him neither. He’s out there now just strutting around. He doesn’t know I picture dinner when I’m  watchin him!

All the family will be getting in here pretty soon too. There’s Uncle Bubba from Pickled Creek, Aunt Gertrude from Hickory Switch, Granny’s sister Franny and all her bunch, God love them. We are all gonna be in one house together!

I just hope what happened last year don’t happen this year! Oh, I guess you haven’t heard about that. Uncle Bubba spiked the punch bowel. And Granny got to feeling no pain! Nobody had seen her for a while, next thing we know, she’s on the roof  wearing nothing but her long john bloomers and singing Auld Lang Syne to the top of her lungs.

Poor thing, she’s so excited though she’s already got out the big cooking book and is preparing our meal.

Oh no, I just heard something on the roof…gotta Run….

 

The Leadbottoms wish you and your’n a very Happy Thanksgiving

clean through the good word

Dear Journal,

Shhh… It’s real quite here at the Leadbottom house right now. So I can commence to telling you about how Grandma got choir duty for a month, as I promised.

See, we always sit about midway the pews on account we don’t want folks thinking we’re better than them. And we don’t want them thinking we backslid either! So Grandpa says: we’re just fair in the middle with the good man above.

Anyways, we were in Sunday meetin about a month ago now, and Grandpa went to sleep during the sermon. About that time, old Reverend Sherman walked back about to our pew. Granny grabbed the first thing she could find, which just happened to be the Reverend’s bible and whopped Grandpa a goodin

Poor thing didn’t know that Grandpa had his WWII army issue helmet on under his Sunday Meetin Hat. When she hit his head it cut clean through all 66 books of the good word. And Granny caught the “choir eye” from The Reverend.

It’ll work out good, long as Granny holds her tongue. But knowin Granny they’ll be more to tell next time.

Until Then….