The Christmas of Pa’s Dreams

Dear Journal,

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve wrote ya anything. But there’s been a lot going on on the creek this year. And I just couldn’t find the time to pen down nothin. But now it’s neigh about Christmas again. Another year is almost over, and our house is a buzzin with excitement.

This past year Granny managed to get Jenny Harris , you remember her, the one that was a sparkin after me. And no, I thank the good Lord above, they weren’t no hitchin to me!! Naw, she Married the preacher’s daddy and Grandpa was a tellin me yesterday at the breakfast table that they is off to the mission field in the wilds of Udonia. I imagine, it’s a far piece off from here.

Now that that’s all told, we’re all gettin into the Christmas spirit again. Grandpa’s wearin his Kiss me under the mistletoe underwear. And Granny and Mamma been busy baking up a new recipe for Christmas Fruitcake. Granny says the next batch will have a secret kick. I think I know what her secret kick is. I think it’s a little of last year’s punch that’s been gettin ripe in the basement.

I tell you, this year Pa has sure got into the spirit. By Halloween he already had all the bulls noses painted up red. And lights on the outhouse. Them lights on the outhouse scared poor Grandpa on Halloween night. He was doing his necessary when Pa told me to plug in the lights. when them suckers lit, I tell you, old Grandpa tore outta there like the hound dog run away with the last piece of watermelon. He was a screaming to the top of his voice, don’t let em suck out my brain! He thought he done been abducted by them aliens, the kind that draws them circle pictures in corn fields.

Granny said them Christmas lights worked him over better than whippersnappers extra strength prune juice ever did Ha Ha!! but back to pa, he watched that National Lampoon’s Christmas Program on the rabbit ears this year. Now he says we Leadbottom’s is gonna have one dandy Christmas this year. So far Grandpa in the outhouse has made my Christmas pretty ding dang dandy already!!! He tore outta there I’m a telling ya with his britches hanging down around his knees. And his Have a nice day smiley-face underwear a shinin for the world to see!!!

But the birthday of our Lord is almost here in just a few days. we’ve got lots of hard candy, home-made fudge and fruit everywhere. Oh no, Grandpa’s gone out to make use of the outhouse again and I see Pa sneaking out the back door wearing a grin. I can’t miss this!

Have a Good Christmas and may the good Lord Bless ya!!